Still Choosing Approval Over Alignment?
Thierry Henry was speaking at an entrepreneurship festival I was at this weekend - random I know. Considering he’s arguably one of the most successful footballers of all time, I expected the usual stories about discipline, hard work, and winning.
So I was kind of surprised to hear him say this:
“I didn’t know it at the time but looking back, I can see that I went into football to please my dad. What I was pursuing was really being able to put a smile on his face. He didn’t smile easily, so it was really this that I was chasing,” he shared with us.
That could be a verbatim quote from one of my clients - just swap football with something like law, finance, medicine or similar.
For example, a new client who has spent the past ten years in finance, realised in our first session that she doesn’t even like numbers all that much.
“It's not that I don't think I'm good at it - I can do it. I'm just not that interested,” she said.
As we unpacked the patterns in her career journey so far, it became clear that in pursuing finance what she was really pursuing was the approval of her family, just like Thierry Henry and many of us.
It can be easy to forget this though when it’s been 10 or 20 years since we made that initial decision.
A decision made by a younger version of ourselves - one who cared far more about family approval than we might today.
If you haven’t yet stopped to untangle that pursuit of approval from your true alignment - it’s likely you’re still paying the cost today.
And if you’ve felt or feel this way you know it’s a real one.
At it’s worst it’s burning out, having a mental health breakdown, or facing a health crisis from work related stress. At it’s ‘best’ its dragging ourselves to a job that drains us, feeling like we’re wasting years, and feeling depleted and exhausted.
It takes a lot of energy to keep on doing something that’s not right for you.
A warning from her doctor is what eventually woke up my client.
“It made me realize how much my current reality doesn’t reflect who I actually am or who I want to be. I feel trapped because this is all I've ever known, but I don’t know what else there could be,” she said.
This realisation - the gap between who she is and the life she’s built - was overwhelming. Because once you see it, you can’t unsee it. But knowing something has to change and knowing what to do about it are two different things
Which if you’re familiar with my framework, The Possibility Pattern, you’ll recognise as the ‘Lost’ stage - knowing that something has to change but not knowing exactly what.
When you’ve spent so much of your life making and living out decisions for the approval of others, it’s completely normal to have no idea what it is you really want.
So the first step is to dive deep into exploring that.
Part of re-parenting yourself is finally answering the questions you were never given permission to explore.
What do I actually enjoy?
What lights me up?
What comes easily to me?
What am I curious about?
When do I feel the most present, alive and in flow?
What am I interested in?
What do I get lost in for hours?
What do I get excited learning about?
What would I do for free for the fun of it?
And giving yourself the opportunity to live the answers.
Guiding my client through this exploration, it was immediately apparent that her natural strengths and the way she thinks aligns more with the world of marketing. She might not like numbers but she loves visual storytelling, researching patterns, has a natural eye for aesthetics, and is obsessed with buyer psychology and how to craft compelling narratives.
“I never realised that I actually enjoy the marketing side of things as much as I do. I knew I didn’t hate it, but I guess I never really allowed myself to really consider it.”
Which makes sense because I see a lot of closeted creatives in my sessions.
The goal of this kind of discovery work isn’t to assign blame, but to bring awareness to the hidden scripts we’ve been living by so that we can choose for ourselves.
Which is a lifelong process.
“At 47 I’m still trying to figure out who I am”
Hearing Thierry Henry admit this was oddly reassuring. It’s easy to think we should have it all figured out by a certain age - but the truth is, identity is always evolving.
Change feels risky, and sticking to what we know - even if it leaves us feeling trapped - feels safer.
But when you shift from a perfectionist mindset of needing to make the “right” choice to seeing your path as an ongoing evolution - something you explore, experiment with, and iterate over time - you realise there is no single finish line - just the courage to keep evolving.
Doesn’t that free you from needing to have all the answers?
And instead start by asking the right questions.
Ready to stop waiting and start creating a career that actually fits you?
Here’s how I can help:
📅 Book a free 45-minute discovery call here. 💬 “It was great to talk to someone who doesn’t know me, but gets me more than people who’ve known me my whole life.” – recent discovery call.
🧭 Career Alignment Quiz – Not sure what’s next? Take this quick quiz to pinpoint where you are in your career transition and discover your next aligned move. Take the quiz here.
🎧 Listen to the ‘Lost’ episode of The Possibility Pattern Podcast which complements and dives deeper into the themes of this week’s newsletter. Listen here.