You’re not lazy. You’re tired.

How to make progress even when you're drained af

I’ve been struggling to write this newsletter for the past two weeks. And with every day past my usual publishing schedule, the voice in my head has gotten louder: “why can’t you just get your s**t together and get it done”.

Isn’t it wild how you can want to do something so badly, and know exactly what to do next…and still not do it?

This tension comes up with clients all the time too.

They really want the outcome. But still find themselves stuck moving through the steps that get them there.

Struggling to submit the application.
Send the email.
Put together the proposal.

And when we just can’t get it done, it’s easy to spiral into guilt and shame, wondering what’s wrong with us.

“I’m just lazy I guess,” one of my clients said to me recently, with a defeated shrug.

And then said:

“I keep saying I’ll just sit down and do it, but when I finally carve out time for myself, I end up just lying there….I feel so exhausted.”

That doesn’t sound lazy. That sounds like someone who’s completely depleted - and still blaming herself for not pushing through.

Or as another client explained:

"It's not that I don't have time. I do. It's just that my job is so draining that I don't like using my extra time to do shit that is productive or makes me happy because it just feels like more work. I feel like I'm always working."

Even the things we want to do - things we know will make us feel better - can feel impossible to start.

Not because of time.
But because of mental energy.

If you're struggling to find the energy to do the things that move you forward or make you feel good, then hear this:

You’re not lazy.

It’s not that you don’t want it badly enough.
It’s not that you lack discipline, motivation, or worth.

It’s that the mental energy it takes just to get through the day might be using up everything you’ve got.

Starting anything let alone making a decision or taking action, requires bandwidth.
And if you’re already drained, there’s nothing left to give.

So the first step? Give yourself some grace. Because what you’re trying to do is hard.

But if something’s going to change, something’s got to change, right?

So the question becomes:

How do you carve out enough energy to move forward?

No, You Don’t Need More Motivation or Discipline

The thing the motivational speakers don’t tell you about motivation is that it’s inherently unreliable. The things that determine how motivated we feel, are influenced by changeable things. Things like our mood, energy, our peers, our goals, even something as small as how well we slept the night before.

So the fact that it fluctuates is a feature not a bug.

But because we’re often aspiring to a constant state of motivation, we feel discouraged when we don’t have it.

In reality, motivation is like your flaky friend. When she shows up, it’s fabulous. But when she cancels at the last minute - you know not to be surprised.

In the same way, whether she shows up or not, you still have to keep it moving regardless.

And not with motivation’s other sidekick either. Our intensely Type-A friend discipline.

When you’re drained af, the last thing you feel like doing is white knuckling it.

So what do you do when motivation is unreliable, and discipline feels out of reach?

Make it easier for yourself

Part of the reason it feels so hard, is because whatever you’re trying to get yourself to do feels so big in your mind and therefore heaving with cognitive load.

Instead of beating yourself up for not being able to scrape together the energy to overcome the cognitive load, we can do the opposite.

Reduce the cognitive load required to do it.

Here are two principles to think about how to do that:

1. Remove friction from the things you want to do

• A client was always getting interrupted by family members during job search time at home - so she started leaving the house to a nearby cafe for a few focused hours each morning instead, and is now getting those applications in.

• A friend who lives alone negotiated WFH Fridays, and now uses the saved commute time to work on her side hustle on Friday mornings.

• I joined a weightlifting club because trying to figure out how to lift heavy enough to start getting BBL allegations on my own meant it wasn’t getting done.

If there’s something you want to do but it always feels like a struggle to start, the problem might not be you - it might be the friction in your setup. Make it easier, faster, or more obvious, and you’re far more likely to follow through.

What’s making what you want to do hard to start?

What could you take away to make it easier?

2. Add friction to the things that get in your way

• My sister finally installed the app blocker I’ve been raving about, and now starts her mornings with a walk because scrolling’s no longer an option.

• A client who always said “yes” to extra work and favours added a new rule: she never commits on the spot. She now replies with “let me confirm what I have capacity for.” That small pause creates enough space to make intentional decisions instead of reflexive people-pleasing.

• I made up a rule that I only have sweet treats on days that start with S - basically, the weekends. It sounds silly, but this small mental friction helps me rein in my sweet tooth without it feeling like a punishment.

If there’s a behaviour or pattern that keeps pulling you off track, you don’t have to fight it - just make it a little harder to fall into.

What gets in the way of what you’re trying to do?

How could you make it harder to do - on purpose?

Small shifts like these tilt the scales toward the actions you want to do, making them easier to start and harder to avoid, even when your motivation or discipline are running low.

This time around it was adding friction that did the trick with getting this newsletter out.

I took myself to a café for an afternoon knowing that there are only a few work things I’m able to do in public.

One of them? Writing.

And once I made it easier to start, it got done.

So not too much on my girl with the lazy talk, ok?

You’re tired, probably juggling a gazillion balls in the air, and still trying to find ways to make progress in the things that matter to you.

That’s not lazy.
That’s legendary.

P.S. One of my clients just shared this lovely reminder that if you’re feeling stuck, you don’t have to struggle through it alone. My 1:1 sessions are designed to help you figure out what you really want, what’s in the way, and how to move forward with more ease. ✨ Book a free intro call here ⬇️

P.P.S Thinking of trying an app blocker? Here’s my referral link for a 30-day free trial (instead of the usual 7) on the one I use (Opal) so you can test it properly. I swear by the Deep Focus mode - it doesn’t let you pause or leave early, which is why I think it’s the only thing that’s worked for me so far.