Don’t call me if you’re dissatisfied
Why you need to get to lost.
I don’t coach people who are dissatisfied.
When people come to my discovery calls, it’s because something about their current work situation has started feeling unbearable.
The specifics are different for everyone. For some the workload is overwhelmingly high, the environment is toxic, the appreciation is low and the paycheque even lower. For others, sure they’re at a company many people would love to work for, and technically they have a great role, but they feel jaded, disillusioned, bored, uninspired.
And that feels daunting. Embarrassing even. In a culture where we’re taught to always have a plan, be on a path, have our goals set, and have our s**t together at all times, it’s often easier to put on a brave face and keep at it, instead of admitting that things are not ok.
As we talk through all of this during the discovery call, people often express these feelings surrounded by apologies.
“I’m sorry for just moaning at you for the past ten minutes.”
“I’m sorry you must think I’m crazy.”
“I’m sorry I just don’t know what to do.”
“I’m sorry I haven’t really talked to anyone about this yet.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying.”
These are big, difficult, uncomfortable feelings. And yet, the more they talk, the more excited I get. The more I think, ok there might be something here, something we can work with.
As they keep talking, what I’m paying attention to is are they just dissatisfied? Or have they got to lost?
“Do you just need someone to listen as you vent? Or have you realised that you are lost and are asking for directions and a map?”
Lost says, I don’t know what or how yet, but something’s got to change.
Dissatisfied says, even though this sucks, it’s familiar, so let’s keep things as they are.
Lost says, I can feel that there is somewhere else I need to be.
Dissatisfied says, I’m too scared to find out what it is.
Dissatisfied asks, what will this cost me to change?
Lost asks, what will this cost me if everything stays the same?
Feeling dissatisfied is an integral part of the process, but I don’t coach people who are still just dissatisfied because the only person who can convince you that it’s time for change, is you. It’s the desire for change that comes with feeling lost that cracks open the seed. That tells me your future is beginning to take hold in the soil.
If dissatisfied ushers us into our seats, lost is what starts the show.
Getting to lost is the crossing of the threshold.
Getting to lost means we’re finally ready to look uncertainty in the face and get on the ride.
Getting to lost means “I can’t stay here any longer.”
Good.
You’re not supposed to.
Journal prompts
What feels the most scary about feeling lost?
Write about a time in the past when you felt lost and things turned out better than expected.
If you could wave a magic wand, how would you wish that you felt about this a year from now?
Ps. My next 1:1 coaching cycle opens up in January-April 2024! If you’ve got to lost and know 2024 is the year things need to shift for you and are curious how coaching can help, let’s chat.